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  • Writer's picturePaige Harris

My Heart Hurts

My garden of sadness is overgrown 

By black dandelions

Blow the seeds 

Make a wish

No Don’t

You’re just spreading it around

Stomp on the flowers

Weed my organs

Lungs full 

Of black dandelion seeds

Growth 

They're growing

Am I growing? 

Am I shrinking?

I feel so small

In my own head

Stop it

Stop thinking

It’s too much

You’re too much

You’re a joke

Can’t you see?

Get on the bus

Pay your fare

Take my heart

Inject it into a syringe

Pump it back 

Into my chest

It’s leaking

Through my guts

Everywhere

Shaken

I’m all shaken up

Pools of my heart 

Leak into my eyes

I can’t stop crying

Do I look okay? 

Tear-stained cheeks

I still feel like I don’t belong

I can’t fit in

My heart is too 

Leaky

Solidify it

Freeze it

Mix it in gelatin

For fuck sake 

Put it back together

My heart is a gelatin ice cube

Now you know why I’m always cold

No

You could never warm me up

People have tried

Separate me like laundry

Place each part of me 

In different coloured baskets

Pour fabric softener 

Down my throat

Soften the lumps 

I keep choking on

I’m not clean

I can’t get this filth out 

From underneath my skin

Peel it back

One giant organ

Peel it back

This doesn’t matter at all

Peel it back

Scrape it off

Take your nails 

Dig it out

Scrub my skin

With a wire bristle brush

Run the bathwater 

Until its clear

What if that takes all day?

What if it takes my whole life?

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